TO LIVE, Chapter II (3)

america

TO LIVE Chapter II (3)
The next morning, just as I got up, I saw four men come into our courtyard. In front was a rich man wearing silk. He looked at the three poorly dressed porters walking behind him and, waving his hand, said, "Put it down."
Putting their load down, the three porters used their shirts to wipe the sweat off their faces. The rich man looked me in the eye but instead of addressing me called out for my father.
"Master Xu, the merchandise you wanted has arrived."
Carrying the title deed for the house and property, Dad coughed repeatedly as he staggered out. He handed the deeds over and bowed slightly as he said, "Sorry to have troubled you."
Pointing to the three chests of copper cash, the man said to my father, "It's all there, you can count it if you'd like."
My dad was completely without the qualities of a rich man. He just said respectfully, "That's all right, there's no need. Come in and have a cup of tea."
"No, thanks," the man said.
Then he looked at me and asked my dad, "Is this the young master of the house?"
Dad nodded as he looked at me and snickered, saying, "Before you deliver the merchandise, pick some pumpkin leaves to put on top. Don't let anyone steal it."
It was on that day that I carried the copper money over ten li into town to repay the debt. Mom and Jiazhen picked the pumpkin leaves we used to cover the top of the chest. When Fengxia saw them picking leaves, she picked out the two biggest to put on top. As I prepared to leave, Fengxia, not knowing I was going to repay the debt, gazed at my face and asked, "Dad, will it be a long time before you come home again?"
My eyes watered up, and I almost dropped a tear as I heard her words. Without delaying another moment I lifted the load and walked toward the city. When I got to town, Long Er, seeing me carrying the load, affectionately called out, "Young master Xu, come on over."
I placed the load down before him. Pushing away the pumpkin leaves, he knit his brow and said, "Aren't you making things hard on yourself? Exchanging some of this for silver dollars would save you a lot of trouble."
By the time I brought him the last load of copper coins, he'd stopped addressing me as young master. He nodded as he said, "Fugui, just put it down here."
Another creditor who was a bit friendlier patted me on the shoulder and said, "Fugui, let's have a drink."
After hearing this Long Er swiftly added, "Yes, yes, have a drink. It's my treat."
I shook my head, thinking I'd better go home. After just one day my silk clothes were ruined and my shoulders were oozing with blood. Alone, I walked home. I cried as I walked, I walked as I cried. Carrying the money that day had exhausted me to the point that every joint in my body felt dislocated. I wondered how many people had died of exhaustion for my ancestors to make this money. It was then that I figured out why my father had insisted on copper coins and not silver: he wanted me to understand this truth. He wanted me to know that money does not come easily. Thinking about it this way, I could no longer walk. I squatted down beside the road and cried until the muscles in my stomach began to twitch. It was then that our family worker Changgen, the same servant who used to carry me to private school, came over carrying a beat-up bag. He had worked for our family for decades, but now he, too, had to leave. My grandfather had taken him in at a young age after Changgen lost his parents. In the years that followed he never married. Just like me his eyes were flooded with tears, and the flesh of his bare feet was split open. Seeing me bent over beside the road, he called out, "Young master."
I screamed at him, "Don't call me young master, I'm an animal!"
He shook his head. "An emperor begging for food is still an emperor. You may have no money, but you're still young master."
Hearing his words, more tears rolled down my face, which I had just wiped dry. He squatted down beside me and, burying his face in his hands, broke down in tears. After weeping together in silence I finally said to him, "Changgen, it's getting dark. You'd better go home."
Changgen stood there for a while and then, step by step, began to walk away. I heard his droning voice echo, "What home do I have left?"
I had hurt Changgen, too. Seeing him walk off in solitude, my heart felt wave after wave of pain. Only after Changgen had walked so far that I could no longer see him did I finally stand up and walk toward home. By the time I arrived, night had already fallen. Our family worker and maid had both already left. Mom and Jiazhen were in the kitchen, one making a fire while the other was preparing dinner. My dad was still lying in bed. Only Fengxia was as happy as before—she still didn't know that from now on we would suffer bitterness and poverty. Bouncing and vivacious, she came over, pounced onto my legs and asked, "Why do they say I'm not a ‘miss' anymore?"
I caressed her small face but failed to utter a single word. At least she didn't continue asking. She used her fingernails to scrape the caked-on mud off my pants and said happily, "I'm washing your pants for you!"
When it was time to eat, my mother approached the door to Dad's room to ask, "Should I bring your food in?"
"I'll come out to eat," Dad replied.
Holding the kerosene lamp with three fingers, Dad emerged from his room. The glow from the lamp danced upon his face, leaving it half illuminated and half cloaked in darkness. His back slumped over as he coughed incessantly. After sitting down he asked me, "Did you settle the debt?"
"It's settled."
"That's good, that's good," Dad quietly repeated.
After seeing my shoulders he continued, "And your shoulders were rubbed raw?"
I didn't make a sound but secretly looked at my mom and Jiazhen. Their eyes were brimming with tears as they looked at my shoulders. Dad, after slowly swallowing a few mouthfuls of rice, put his chopsticks down on the table and pushed his bowl away. After a while he continued, "A long time ago, our Xu family ancestors raised but a single chicken. When that chicken grew up it turned into a goose, the goose in turn grew into a lamb, and the lamb became an ox. This is how our family became rich."
Dad's voice turned into a whisper. He stopped for a moment, then continued, "When it came into my hands, the Xu family ox became a lamb, and the lamb turned back into a goose. When it came down to you, that goose became a chicken, and now we are left without even a chicken."
When Dad finished his sentence he began to cackle. He laughed and laughed until his laughter turned to tears. He extended two fingers and pointed them toward me. "The Xu family has begotten two prodigal sons."
　　第二天一早，我刚起床就看到四个人进了我家院子，走在头里的是个穿绸衣的有钱人，他朝身后穿粗布衣服的三个挑夫摆摆手说：
　　“放下吧。”
　　三个挑夫放下担子撩起衣角擦脸时，那有钱人看着我喊的却是我爹：
　　“徐老爷，你要的货来了。”
　　我爹拿着地契和房契连连咳嗽着走出来，他把房地契递过去，向那人哈哈腰说：
　　“辛苦啦。”
　　那人指着三担铜钱，对我爹说：
　　“都在这里了，你数数吧。”
　　我爹全没有了有钱人的派头，他像个穷人一样恭敬地说：
　　“不用，不用，进屋喝口茶吧。”
　　那人说：“不必了。”
　　说完，他看看我，问我爹：
　　“这位是少爷吧？”
　　我爹连连点头，他朝我嘻嘻一笑，说道：
　　“送货时采些南瓜叶子盖在上面，可别让人抢了。”
　　这天开始，我就挑着铜钱走十多里路进城去还债。铜钱上盖着的南瓜叶是我娘和家珍去采的，凤霞看到了也去采，她挑最大的采了两张，盖在担子上，我把担子挑起来准备走，凤霞不知道我是去还债，仰着脸问：
　　“爹，你是不是又要好几天不回家了？”
　　我听了这话鼻子一酸，差点掉出眼泪来，挑着担子赶紧往城里走。到了城里，龙二看到我挑着担子来了，亲热地喊一声：
　　“来啦，徐家少爷。”
　　我把担子放在他跟前，他揭开瓜叶时皱皱眉，对我说：
　　“你这不是自找苦吃，换些银元多省事。”
　　我把最后一担铜钱挑去后，他就不再叫我少爷，他点点头说：
　　“福贵，就放这里吧。”
　　倒是另一个债主亲热些，他拍拍我的肩说：
　　“福贵，去喝一壶。”
　　龙二听后忙说：“对，对，喝一壶，我来请客。”
　　我摇摇头，心想还是回家吧。一天下来，我的绸衣磨破了，肩上的皮肉渗出了血。我一个人往家里走去，走走哭哭，哭哭走走。想想自己才挑了一天的钱就累得人都要散架了，祖辈挣下这些钱不知要累死多少人。到这时我才知道爹为什么不要银元偏要铜钱，他就是要我知道这个道理，要我知道钱来得千难万难。这么一想，我都走不动路了，在道旁蹲下来哭得腰里直抽搐。那时我家的老雇工，就是小时候背我去私塾的长根，背着个破包裹走过来。他在我家干了几十年，现在也要离开了。他很小就死了爹娘，是我爷爷带回家来的，以后也一直没娶女人。他和我一样眼泪汪汪，赤着皮肉裂开的脚走过来，看到我蹲在路边，他叫了一声：
　　“少爷。”
　　我对他喊：“别叫我少爷，叫我畜生。”
　　他摇摇头说：“要饭的皇帝也是皇帝，你没钱了也还是少爷。”
　　一听这话我刚擦干净脸眼泪又下来了，他也在我身旁蹲下来，捂着脸呜呜地哭上了。我们在一起哭了一阵后，我对他说：
　　“天快黑了，长根你回家去吧。”
　　长根站了起来，一步一步地走开去，我听到他嗡嗡地说：
　　“我哪儿还有什么家呀。”
　　我把长根也害了，看着他孤身一人走去，我心里是一阵一阵的酸痛。直到长根走远看不见了，我才站起来往家走，我到家的时候天已经黑了。家里原先的雇工和女佣都已经走了，我娘和家珍在灶间一个烧火一个做饭，我爹还在床上躺着，只有凤霞还和往常一样高兴，她还不知道从此以后就要受苦受穷了。她蹦蹦跳跳走过来，扑到我腿上问我：
　　“为什么他们说我不是小姐了？”
　　我摸摸她的小脸蛋，一句话也说不出来，好在她没再往下问，她用指甲刮起了我裤子上的泥巴，高兴地说：
　　“我在给你洗裤子呢。”
　　到了吃饭的时候，我娘走到爹的房门口问他：
　　给你把饭端进来吧？”
　　我爹说：“我出来吃。”
　　我爹三根指头执着一盏煤油灯从房里出来，灯光在他脸上一闪一闪，那张脸半明半暗，他弓着背咳嗽连连。爹坐下后问我：
　　“债还清了？”
　　我低着头说：“还清了。”
　　我爹说：“这就好，这就好。”
　　他看到了我的肩膀，又说：
　　“肩膀也磨破了。”
　　我没有作声，偷偷看看我娘和家珍，她们两个都泪汪汪地看着我的肩膀。爹慢吞吞地吃起了饭，才吃了几口就将筷子往桌上一放，把碗一推，他不吃了。过一会，爹说道：
　　“从前，我们徐家的老祖宗不过是养了一只小鸡，鸡养大后变成了鹅，鹅养大了变成了羊，再把羊养大，羊就变成了牛。我们徐家就是这样发起来的。”
　　爹的声音里咝咝的，他顿了顿又说：
　　“到了我手里，徐家的牛变成了羊，羊又变成了鹅。传到你这里，鹅变成了鸡，现在是连鸡也没啦。”
　　爹说到这里嘿嘿笑了起来，笑着笑着就哭了。他向我伸出两根指头：
　　“徐家出了两个败家子啊。”