TO LIVE, Chapter I (6)

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TO LIVE Chapter I (6)
My wife, Jiazhen, of course knew about my "colorful" romps in the city. Jiazhen was a good woman. For me to have had the good fortune to marry such a virtuous person in this life must have been repayment for having been a barking dog in the last. Jiazhen was always submissive toward me. While I was out screwing around she'd be at home worrying about me. But she would never say anything, just like my mother.
My escapades in the city were actually a bit too much. Jiazhen, of course, was a wreck. She was so disturbed that she had trouble keeping herself together. One day I came home from town and, just as I sat down at the dinner table, I noticed a strange smile on her face as she brought out four different dishes. She poured me a glass of wine and sat down next to me while I ate and drank. Her beaming expression seemed a bit strange. I couldn't imagine what good fortune had befallen her. I thought as hard as I could, but couldn't figure out what the special occasion was. I asked her, but she wouldn't say.
She just gazed at me with a strange, elated smile on her face.
Those four dishes were all vegetable dishes. Jiazhen had prepared each one differently, but as I got to the bottom, I started to find pieces of pork hidden in each dish. At first I didn't really pay attention to this, but as I ate the last dish, I discovered that there was again a piece of meat on the bottom.
At first I was stumped but then I began to laugh out loud. I understood what Jiazhen was up to. She was trying to teach me that although women all look different on the outside, when you get down to it they are all the same.
"I understand this little principle," I told Jiazhen.
But even though I knew what she meant, that didn't change the fact that when I saw a woman who looked a little different on the outside, I couldn't help thinking that she really was different. It was actually a hopeless situation.
Jiazhen would never let me know when she was upset with me—that was just the kind of person she was. But in her roundabout way she still would try to get me in the end. I, on the other hand, wouldn't put up with either soft or hard tactics; neither my father's cloth shoes nor Jiazhen's cooking could stop me. I still loved going into town, and I still loved visiting the whorehouse. It was really my mom who understood a bit of what makes men tick. She said to Jiazhen, "Men are nothing but a bunch of gluttonous cats."
When Mom said this she not only exonerated me, but also exposed some inside information about my dad. Dad was sitting nearby, and as soon as he heard this his eyes squinted like two little peepholes and he began to giggle. When Dad was younger he couldn't contain himself when it came to the ladies. It wasn't until he was too old to screw around that he began to behave himself.
The House of Qing was also where I usually gambled. I'd often play mah-jongg, nine card and dice. Every time I gambled I lost, and the more I lost, the more I wanted to win back that hundred mu of land my father lost when he was young. In the beginning I would pay up right there, and if I didn't have money I'd just steal jewelry from Jiazhen and my mom. I even stole my daughter Fengxia's gold necklace. Afterward I just set up an account on credit. The creditors all knew about my family's wealth, so they let my debts ride. Once I started playing on credit I stopped keeping track of how much I lost, and the creditors didn't remind me. But every day they were secretly scheming away my family's one hundred mu.
It wasn't until after Liberation that I finally found out the winning party had everything set up. No wonder I always lost and never won—they had been secretly digging a hole for me.
At the time there was a Mr. Shen at the House of Qing. He was about sixty years old, and his eyes were as cunning and bright as a cat's. He wore a long blue gown and would usually sit in the corner with his back straight. His eyes would be closed as if he were dozing off. Only after the action at the gambling table started to get exciting would Mr. Shen begin to cough and casually walk over, selecting a good spot from which to watch. He would never have to stand for long before someone would get up and offer him his place. "Mr. Shen, have a seat."
Mr. Shen would lift his long gown as he sat down and address the other three gamblers: "Please proceed."
No one in the House of Qing ever saw Mr. Shen lose. The blue veins in his hands would be practically popping out as he shuffled the deck of cards. All you could hear was the fluttering sound of wind as the deck became long and short, disappearing and reappearing in his hands. It made my eyes tired just watching.
Once when Mr. Shen was drunk he said to me, "Gambling relies entirely upon a good set of eyes and a quick pair of hands. You've got to train your eyes to open wide as a melon and your hands to be as slippery as an eel."
After the Japanese surrender, Long Er came. He spoke with a mixed accent, and just by listening to him you could tell he was a rather complicated person. He was a man who had been to many places and seen the world. He didn't wear a long gown; instead he wore clothes made from pure white silk.
Two other men came with Long Er to help him carry a large wicker chest.
The games between Mr. Shen and Long Er that year were really amazing. The gambling room at the House of Qing was flooded with people as Mr. Shen gambled with Long Er and his men. Behind Long Er stood a waiter with a dry towel on a serving tray. From time to time Long Er would grab the towel to wipe his hands. We all thought it interesting that he didn't use a wet towel to wipe his hands, but a dry one; he would wipe his hands as if he had just finished a meal. In the beginning Long Er would always lose. Although it didn't seem to bother him, the two men who came with him could barely take it. One of them would curse under his breath while the other would take deep sighs. Mr. Shen always won, but the expression on his face was not that of a winner. Mr. Shen knitted his brow as if he had lost a bundle. He was getting on in years, and after gambling half the night he would start to breathe heavily, and the sweat on his forehead would drip down. His head hung down, but his eyes bore into Long Er's hands like nails.
"This round decides everything," Mr. Shen said.
Long Er took the towel from the tray, and as he wiped his hands one last time he said, "All right."
They piled all of their money on the table. The money took up practically all the space, leaving just a small open area in the center. Each of them got five cards. After Long Er showed four of his cards, his two men instantly lost hope and, pushing the cards aside, said, "It's over, we've lost again."
But Long Er quickly said, "We haven't lost, we've won."
As he spoke, Long Er showed his last card—it was the ace of spades. When the two workers saw, they began to laugh.
Actually, Mr. Shen's last card was also an ace of spades—he had three aces and two kings. Long Er had three queens and two jacks. When Long Er showed his ace of spades, Mr. Shen seemed to be in shock for a while, then he finally put his cards away and said, "I lost."
Both Long Er's and Mr. Shen's ace of spades had come from their pockets. One pack of cards can only have a single ace of spades, so when Long Er showed his first, Mr. Shen knew he had no choice but to admit defeat. That was the first time we ever saw Mr. Shen lose. Leaning on the table to stand up, Mr. Shen clasped his hands and bowed to Long Er and his men before turning to leave. As he approached the door he smiled and said, "I'm getting old."
From then on no one saw Mr. Shen again. I heard someone say that he rode away on a rickshaw the next morning at the crack of dawn.
　我女人家珍当然知道我在城里这些花花绿绿的事，家珍是个好女人，我这辈子能娶上这么一个贤惠的女人，是我前世做狗吠叫了一辈子换来的。家珍对我从来都是逆来顺受，我在外面胡闹，她只是在心里打鼓，从不说我什么，和我娘一样。
　　我在城里闹腾得实在有些过分，家珍心里当然有一团乱麻，乱糟糟的不能安分。有一天我从城里回到家中，刚刚坐下，家珍就笑盈盈地端出四样菜，摆在我面前，又给我斟满了酒，自己在我身旁坐下来待候我吃喝。她笑盈盈的样子让我觉得奇怪，不知道她遇上了什么好事，我左思右想也想不出这天是什么日子。我问她，她不说，就是笑盈盈地看着我。
　　那四样菜都是蔬菜，家珍做得各不相同，可吃到下面都是一块差不多大小的猪肉。起先我没怎么在意，吃到最后一碗菜，底下又是一块猪肉。我一愣，随后我就嘿嘿笑了起来。
　　我明白了家珍的意思，她是在开导我：女人看上去各不相同，到下面都是一样的。我对家珍说：
　　“这道理我也知道。”
　　道理我也知道，看到上面长得不一样的女人，我心里想的就是不一样，这实在是没办法的事。
　　家珍就是这样一个女人，心里对我不满，脸上不让我看出来，弄些转弯抹角的点子来敲打我。我偏偏是软硬不吃，我爹的布鞋和家珍的菜都管不住我的腿，我就是爱往城里跑，爱往妓院钻。还是我娘知道我们男人心里想什么，她对家珍说：
　　“男人都是馋嘴的猫。”
　　我娘说这话不只是为我开脱，还揭了我爹的老底。我爹坐在椅子里，一听这话眼睛就眯成了两条门缝，嘿嘿笑了一下。我爹年轻时也不检点，他是老了干不动了才老实起来。
　　我赌博时也在青楼，常玩的是麻将，牌九和骰子。我每赌必输，越输我越想把我爹年轻时输掉的一百多亩地赢回来。
　　刚开始输了我当场给钱，没钱就去偷我娘和家珍的手饰，连我女儿凤霞的金项圈也偷了去。后来我干脆赊帐，债主们都知道我的家境，让我赊帐。自从赊帐以后，我就不知道自己输了有多少，债主也不提醒我，暗地里天天都在算计着我家那一百多亩地。
　　一直到解放以后，我才知道赌博的赢家都是做了手脚的，难怪我老输不赢，他们是挖了个坑让我往里面跳。那时候青楼里有一位沈先生，年纪都快到六十岁了，眼睛还和猫眼似的贼亮，穿着蓝布长衫，腰板挺着笔直，平常时候总是坐在角落里，闭着眼睛像是在打盹。等到牌桌上的赌注越下越大，沈先生才咳嗽几声，慢悠悠地走过来，选一位置站着看，看了一会便有人站起来让位：
　　“沈先生，这里坐。”
　　沈先生撩起长衫坐下，对另三位赌徒说：
　　“请。”
　　青楼里的人从没见到沈先生输过，他那双青筋突暴的手洗牌时，只听到哗哗的风声，那付牌在他手中忽长忽短，唰唰地进进出出，看得我眼睛都酸了。
　　有一次沈先生喝醉了酒，对我说：
　　“赌博全靠一双眼睛一双手，眼睛要练成爪子一样，手要练成泥鳅那样滑。”
　　小日本投降那年，龙二来了，龙二说话时南腔北调，光听他的口音，就知道这人不简单，是闯荡过很多地方，见过大世面的人。龙二不穿长衫，一身白绸衣，和他同来的还有两个人，帮他提着两只很大的柳条箱。
　　那年沈先生和龙二的赌局，实在是精彩，青楼的赌厅里挤满了人，沈先生和他们三个人赌。龙二身后站着一个跑堂的，托着一盘干毛巾，龙二不时取过一块毛巾擦手。他不拿湿毛巾拿干毛巾擦手，我们看了都觉得稀奇。他擦手时那副派头像是刚吃完了饭似的。起先龙二一直输，他看上去还满不在乎，倒是他带来的两个人沉不住气，一个骂骂咧咧，一个唉声叹气。沈先生一直赢，可脸上一点赢的意思都没有，沈先生皱着眉头，像是输了很多似的。他脑袋垂着，眼睛却跟钉子似的钉在龙二那双手上。沈先生年纪大了，半个晚上赌下来，就开始喘粗气，额头上汗水渗了出来，沈先生说：
　　“一局定胜负吧。”
　　龙二从盘子里取过最后一块毛巾，擦着手说：
　　“行啊。”
　　他们把所有的钱都压在了桌上，钱差不多把桌面占满了，只在中间留个空。每个人发了五张牌，亮出四张后，龙二的两个伙伴立刻泄气了，把牌一推说：
　　“完啦，又输了。”
　　龙二赶紧说：“没输，你们赢啦。”
　　说着龙二亮出最后那张牌，是黑桃Ａ，他的两个伙伴一看立刻嘿嘿笑了。其实沈先生最后那张牌也是黑桃Ａ，他是三Ａ带两Ｋ，龙二一个伙伴是三Ｑ带俩Ｊ。龙二抢先亮出了黑桃Ａ，沈先生怔了半晌，才把手中的牌一收说：
　　“我输了。”
　　龙二的黑桃Ａ和沈先生的都是从袖管里换出来的，一副牌不能有两张黑桃Ａ，龙二抢了先，沈先生心里明白也只能认输。那是我们第一次看到沈先生输，沈先生手推桌子站起来，向龙二他们作了个揖，转过身来往外走，走到门口微笑着说：
　　“我老了。”
　　后来再没人见过沈先生，听说那天天刚亮，他就坐着轿子走了。